danza del insertia
by scarlet phlame
Summary: Spike and Buffy come across an invisible wall on patrol... (Pure and utter crack.)


AN: Mrs. Insertia borrows my pen name. But... I don't actually act like her. She's not me. Nope.

I'm not! Really, I don't act like her! I don't!

...Probably.

Warning for OOCness and fourth wall breakage. And I blame the plot B-U-N-N-I-E-S for this one. (Sorry Anya.)

* * *

Buffy was on patrol, walking as the clouds bled rain above her head. A stake in her right hand, she turned the corner and crept towards the graveyard. Something behind her snapped abruptly, and she spun around, stake raised-

"Spike," she said, tone flat.

"Slayer," Spike greeted her, in that nonchalant, creepy Spike way of his.

"What are you doing here?"

"I don't really know. Maybe Joss wants to do some angst with me," Spike said, shrugging.

"...Huh?"

"Nice night to be out," he said, gesturing towards the sky. Buffy rolled her eyes and took another step into the graveyard.

"I guess- oof! Ow!" The blonde froze in her tracks and rubbed her head. Spike was on it in an instant.

"Are you okay? Concussed? Hurt? I can call an ambulance-"

"I'm fine!" Buffy snapped. "I just don't know what the hell someone was thinking, putting a wall," she opened her eyes, "right in the middle of a... graveyard?"

"Slayer," Spike said, slowly, "there is no wall."

"Yeah, there is... look," Buffy said, pressing her hand against the surface. "It's a wall.

Spike tapped the wall, too. "Yeah... you're right," he realized. "It's an invisible wall."

Buffy made a face. "My god, how stupid is that?"

Spike winked at her.

"...Yuck."

"Still not as perverted as the fanfic writers that-"

"SHET!"

They both turned to see a brunette standing where the fake wall had been, messy hair and... dressed in her pajamas?

"You idiots broke the friggin' fourth wall! I step away from my laptop for five friggin' seconds and you guys..." she threw her hands up in the air. "Geezus! That's it! I'm done! I'm doing the RP forums next time!"

"What?" Buffy managed.

"You are the characters. I am the author. And you just broke the fourth wall!" the girl huffed. Spike stepped beside her to see where the wall had been.

"You're Scarlet... Falme. Fuhalme?" he blinked. "What the soddin' hell does that mean?"

"I bet now that I'm here, you're all gonna get into character!" the girl shrieked. "Yay! I want a stake! And it's phlame. Pronounced flame."

Spike blinked.

Buffy blinked.

"So, can we like, have group sex now, or something? Because I'm bored, and it's cold, and Spike is hot."

"I'm room temperature, luv," Spike said.

"Good one," she cackled.

"Okay, I think it's time for you to go home," Buffy said, voice strained.

"No!" the girl screamed. "I have to stay now! Even though this tv show is so last 7 years ago, it's worth living here!"

"We're a TV show?" Anya asked, who'd suddenly come out of the bushes from out of nowhere.

"Duh," the girl said. "Oh, what season are you on? No, don't answer that. Okay, let me guess... Dead Things? No? Not yet? Huh. Oh, are you at the part where Buffy dies? You know, for the second time? Or the one where Spike sings about peace and nesting or necking or something? Or did you get to the one where Spike gets his soul back? Or maybe you're on season 8–Spikeishot–where Spike and Buffy get reunited and then Angel is Twilight?"

Everyone blinked and Anya disappeared back out of nowhere.

"I did not think it was possible for someone to speak that fast. Bravo," Xander said, nodding at the self insert.

"I believe a capital plan would be to, eh, return to your home," Giles said.

Dawn looked around. "Where the hell are we all coming from? How did I get here? I was just brushing my teeth-"

"We came out of somebody's mouth. Relax, Dawn," Anya said.

* * *

Buffy woke up screaming.

"Hey, are you okay?" Dawn asked her, poking her head into her sister's room.

"I had this really bad nightmare," Buffy moped, sitting up.

"Scary bad? Or... stupid bad?"

"It was bad," was all Buffy managed.

"Like the one where they all sparkled and people wanted to be vampires?"

"Worse, Dawn, worse."

* * *

AN: Yeah... that was random. (sigh) Oh, well. Back to writing Doctor Who! :)


End file.
